orangelyn's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- three times i'm pissed. not pissed at anyone. at myself. how bad can it be. torture. argh. i'm determined. to make my life more worthwhile. as in my sense. yup. kapoof. i hate myself. nothing i do can make things be right again. not to any extend. contridictory statement i presumed. effortlessly. i try. but only to see it disintergrate to nothingless. i can't help thinking. wanting more in the darkest way. i yearn. i plead. they say life was meant to be over ruled. and rules to be broken. time's frozen. standstill. almost unending. leading to nowhere. it' like being torn apart. while u're still awake. seeing urself. ur heart being taken away from you. you feel the pain. yet you make no sound. you don't scream. you don't react. lying there. watching urself. bleeding. hurting. without a heart. feeling useless. is wad i am now. hidden. uncovered. feel invisible. my mind isn't what it used to be. i seem weak. i can't explain. a setback maybe. return to the past. which i hated. i have to a way out. but sometimes at night. alone in my bed. i see your face. i see us. laughter and joy. but i wake. only to find u gone. realizing then have i lost you. a part of me gone. here i am. searching wide. i still can't find. another like you. i ask myself. why. i let you into my heart. let you tear it apart. here it stays mangled. yet i open the doors once more. letting you walk out of my miserable life. pathethic to the core. i wish all was a nightmare. wishing i never knew you. done things that i've regretted. i noe i shouldn't have. maybe it was right for me to be this way. to be cold and still. your unmoving heart. has caused me scarlet tears and sleepless nights. i'm gonna try to forget you for good. seems like a never. ihatechewiloveyouistillwantcheeewbackinmylifewillyoubemineoncemore. right..snap out of it lyn. you shall not entwine urself in depression. at least until your o levels are a bye bye. yup. hence u shall learn how to enjoy life. my bro's bugging me. i need to focus on something more real. okok.. *looks around and sees chocolate* right. i can see my future. maybe a should quit school. and marry a chocolate maker. and open a chocolate shop. then have chocolate babies. ooh. chocolate bed. and a chocolate fish. poor safy. den again. i would mind a chocolate life. sweet. and sugarie. uh-huh.. yummy. i'm still due. (no i'm not pregnant) to watch the movie thingy with john. anyways. he still owes me nachos. i loove my hunny pot. and all my mushrooms friends. wooT. i loove chocolate. *droools* loads and loads of chocolate. they should have chocolate boyfriends too. and candy coated erm.. rubbers? lolx. someone ought to shoot me. maybe i'll die happy. and i would like a chocolate coffin and a chocolate pistol if u were to shoot me. and for kylie's chocolate song to be played? thank you. right.. they should have chocolate lipsticks too. *grins* 2:31 p.m. - Tuesday, Jun. 22, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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