orangelyn's Diaryland Diary

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fucks

-sighs
i wanna run a w a y
and not come back.
ever.

my parents are such a pain.
i hate them so much now
peak period
it's some stupid blockade between us.
everything i do or say
has a negative intention or an underlying meaning
WTFs
it's so unbelievable how i put up with all these
don't even know why i still bother to make up with them.
it's so contradictory.
like i tried to please you.
then things did get better.
sadly.
you just have to ruin it again
nothing will ever work out this way.
i'm drowning ever so painfully and slowly
and you're the one that holding me down
taking all that life away from me

then.
you always come back yelling saying it's mah fault.
knowing god damm well that you caused evrythin.
just open your eyes and look alright?
fucks.
if you even bothered to bring me up properly.
to hell i wouldn't end mahself up in this bloody state.
i'm not a lil guurrl.
anymore.
learn to let go for christ sake.

it's all so stupid.
when i need someone to hold. you weren't there fer me.
what more do i expect of you?

asked me to tell you evrythin.
den you bite back sayng things to break mah heart.

i had enough dad and mum.
you'll just never understand.
cause you don't bother to.

i just don't wanna talk to yer anymores.
it's pointless.
things are going no where.

you just try to control me.
it's just a few more years that you can do it anyway.
besides.
after Os.
i don't think you'll see me more then twice a week.
i'm so sick and tired of this bickering.

you tell me to grow up.
but you cage me in.
how's it possible to do so?!

you said you've tried to.
fine.
the credits are yours.
i'm not taking any.
then you say that i'm like a lost kite.
you have no idea.
absolutely no idea at all.
i was lost b'cause you refused to let go.
and the only string attaching me to you
finally snapped

i want to blast at you.
fer making my life so miserable.
it should have never been like that.
or nothing close to this piece of shit.
i've been living all mah life.
you just screw things up so easily.
my Os are juz like two weeks away.
what's the big fuck bout not going to skool?!
they don't teach.
i'll be shot with shitty papers to do.
being yelled at.
pressured.
-argh

now. tell me.
is this how you would want me to be?
it's not fair.
go ahead.
tell dad. tell evryone.
you're just so disgusting i can't believe i'm related to you.
so fuck it if you are not letting me out.
this will only happen before mah Os.
after.
that statement will be deemed void.

it's really tiring me out.
i can't focus on mah studies.
can't
your're just giving me more pressure then anyone else.
it's so shit.
So fucked up.
Must it really be this way.
If it is.
Den just let it be. I really can�t be bothered no more.
Just just don�t piss me off too much.
Ther�s a limit to the shoving and pushing here.

will you just leave me alone.
and just go away.
what's wrong with you.
need not hafta stick your nose in to evrythin.
that i do.
stop it.
it's trespassing.

i even bother telling you the ppl i'm with
the places i go.
so don't push yer luck kkayz?
it doesn't and will never ever work in mah case.
and stop calling all mah babies.
you're harassing dem`
they happen to have their own lives to led alright?!
piss off.

baby won't you take my hand
let's just run away together.
to some far away place.
brace the rain the storm together.
cause you know we're ferever.

i need a hug.
-feels around fer moo moo
perhaps you'll call?
and maybe be there when i need you?
it's all a dream.
where's all mah love?
gone.
too far away.

i would follow you into yer world
even if it means tearing out my heart.

11:02 am - Tuesday, Oct. 12, 2004

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