orangelyn's Diaryland Diary

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nothing matters

My life ain�t going a n y w h e r e .
Everyone�s such in a pissy mood.
Dad�s yelling.
Mom�s screaming.
Bro shouting.
I�m swearing.
Happy family?
Bingo.

The dreaded Os are like a couple of days away.
I�m still lying around.
Stuck at the same social studies page.
Walking round and round the house.
Into the kitchen.
Round the garden.
In and out of rooms.
Like I�m having this personal open house of mine.
-ARGH-
Went into my room, flopped on my bed, chilled to rock.
Got up, settled myself on my bro�s bed.
Flicked on his tv.
Looked at his books and stuff.
Exited.
Got comfortable in my parent�s bed.
Ended up watching mtv whilst shivering under the covers.
So I did some work.
Planned out the study thing till Os are over.
Did social and biology.
It�s suicidal.
Hope what goes in DON�T come out.

Feel like a zombie.
It�s so mechanical.
Get up of bed, do this, say that, sleep.
And this vicious cycle repeats.

Kyer�s having her jab today after all.
The vet�s not free on sat.
Mum�s insisting that we have her back on sat.
Something bout giving her peace for a while.
-rolls eyes-

That feeling there is still not wanting to go away.
Maybe it does for a while.
Then it comes back to visit and say hello or to stay.
Either way it leaves a negative impact.

The weather today isn�t making things any better too.
Rained and rained.
Was under the covers almost the whole day.

Dad�s still not letting me use the fucking com.
I feel awful mind you.
Found my fav hair bands.
Was burrowing through my drawer for my cd and tata!!
It�s been �lost� for like half a year or so.

Went bonkers last night at like 12++.
Started messaging my dearie asking her to take care.
That if she�s having any problems to tell me and not hide it.
She�s becoming pretty down these few days.
Haven seen her smile in quite a while.
Yesterday�s outing ended up with her screaming into her phone to her mum.
Aye.

Dearrrie: Thanks for being there and all and don�t think that way. I�m just doing my part. Will be there for you kkayz? Smile more? Haha. Anyways, things are only this way cause of the Os. You�ve still got me here. ((((: I�ll take your hand in mine and we�ll run away someday.

Just found out that de wei read my blog.
HAHAHA.
Sorry.
Just surprised.
-grins-
He�s counseling me bout stuff.
Nice nice person.
-Love love love sweets!!!-

Char and min�s coming over to see Kyer on sat.
Had fun at her place yest.
I love your sofa.
HAHAHAHA.
It�s comfy.
Can�t believe you�re still into neopets!!!!
-stares at you-
Woody bit into my ear plugs.
AHHHH!!!!
Gotta get new ones.
://

Engraved simple plan�s welcome to my life�s lyrics on my wall.
Think I scared the shit out of my folks.
HOHO.
What?!! It is nice.
So is predictable.
Yeah.
Too bad my wall�s too small ter fit.

Halloween�s coming.
I don�t need ghouls or monsters.
Right now, my life�s already a nightmare.

The memories will not dissipate. No the scars that you have left on me are irreversible, permanent like the pain you left with me.

The 136 bus sign is hanging on my bedroom door.
Thanks so much.
(((:
-hugs-

9:10 pm - Thursday, Oct. 28, 2004

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